Work Tumbler

The work tumbler spat me out today. It seems like every day I go to battle at work. Some days are good and some are bad. I must realize at all times, I am a cog in the machine and I can only do so much before it is out of my control.

So with that being said, V line is going down tonight at midnight shift because we don't have boxes. Boxes are coming at 7 tomorrow. Best I can do. I will address the problem tomorrow to see if there was anything else I could do.

I had to chase after My. and Ken to get them to get me production staff for A. line plus there is a a req. coming in so we will have even more people. Yea kind of. But training will take them a while. Ugh. But anyway we should be able to make A. line orders if the machines will cooperate and make good parts.

Chubby is a friend, I should have not let my guard down as much as I did with her today. I think of her almost as a mother at work. She just has the calming everything will be fine feel about her.

ugh. what else? Oh yeah. I have been told My. is a backstabber by two different people now and implied by a couple others. I need to keep my eye out for him. That and he doesn't even know what my job title is. He thought I was an engineer this Monday. I mean seriously? I don't know why. It was really weird, at least Tom corrected him, but I was really embarrassed. It wasn't like that I was pretending to be one, but the fact that he didn't know shows what his carelessness/selfishness? I'm not sure. I'm not sure about many things with work right now....but one thing I do know for sure is that the dishes and a bath are waiting for me.

Ah a book and wine. What else do I need other then a puppy?

Goals

GOALS
(Monday March 29- Sunday April 4)

1. Run 5 days.
2. Brush teeth 5 times.
3. Read 2 books.
4. Write Amy.
5. Blog 4 times.

KITTY!

Jazz
I saw the kitty again today. Both at lunch time and after my work out at six. And we had so defining moments, Jazz ate out of my hand today and was very gentile about it. He also climbed into my lap today. Not exactly gentile about it, he put his claws out to make sure he didn't fall off, but I was in work out pants so he did scratch me. But we are bonding.

Production. Project A. is ramping up. All though I think we are having some issues (not enough workers to get it to run) which I will have to work out tomorrow with M. who will be a bundle of joy. I really don't want to think about it because I want to enjoy my time away from work.

I realized today that if I win the lottery my dream job would to read and sit in coffee shops all day. That or be at a museum all day. Art History museums...maybe the MET. However I am too interested in money and living well to think about transferring careers, besides I just got out off school... I couldn't afford to go back right now.

My Mom is awesome. She just totally listened to me as I ranted about work. Love her as my voice of reason.

To Fall in Love...

I am watching Sex and the city and one of the characters says she moves to New York to fall in love. I wish my move would bring me love. I am alone in MY TOWN. Granted I love having weekends like what I did, hanging out with friends and just sitting and reading. I mean it was so peaceful. But at the same time, driving back (which was a gourgous drive) I wanted someone of my own.

I am hopeless romantic and I want someone to buy me tulips and tell me I'm beautiful. The thing is I don't know where to find him, I have or had a prospect, Brett, but he never tried to cuddle next to me or kiss me in all the time we hung out. I wonder if I needed to make the move, but that is not me. And he gets texts and responds when he is with me so I read it more friend then potential boyfriend material. I didn't have my coworkers set me up with someone so now they never will. And I don't have friends in New Ulm yet so it is not like they can introduce me to someone. Sigh. I am alone. For anyone out there reading this right now can you please send Prince Charming my way? I just want my other half. That is not to much to ask for right?

I am going to be spending the next two weekends in New Ulm so I am sure, there are going to be moments when I am going to be lonely. I'm sure by the time I head up to the cities in two weeks I will be craving companionship. Maybe I will go out to a bar and cheer on the twins for opening day and who knows I will be able to a cute MY TOWN boy who loves baseball too.

Oh to fall in love would be heavenly. And if he is someone I could spend the rest of my life oh so much the better.

Will Power

People have said in that past that I have tremendous will power. That if I set my mind to something and take it into my heart, I will be able to achieve anything.

Why is it then that I'm sitting on my bed right now wondering why I only have six days left in the month in which I have to exercise five to get my discount? AHH! I don't like cutting these down close. I am planner, a achiever and right now I am NOT ACHIEVING! Why is that? It was my goal to get down to my ideal weight of 150 but I'm still 30 pounds heavier then what I want to be.

And why is it journal that I have been reading the same damn finance book for a month? It was my goal to finish it in a week, but I keep thinking oh I will get around to it, or I will read it these consecutive days and then never do.

Also, I know junk food is bad for me, I know it does not help my goal of getting down to my goal weight but again it is so good. I end up getting tempted eating tons of it. Tonight I easily downed coke, calzone, garlic cheese bread and chocolate. There is my calorie count for today and the next two days. Geese! What is wrong with me?

Money is another issue, one that I don't have as much of a problem with but still a problem. I'm trying to keep within a budget of 2000 dollars a month. This should NOT be difficult. Last month I broke it because I paid off my couch (which I budgeted for) this month six days away from the end of the month where am I on my budget? I'll tell you cutting it close. I can only spend 14 dollars a day. It will be hard to make it....but god I hope I do.

Lazy Evenings

Saw Jazz again today. I think he just thinks of me as a food dispenser or a personal scratcher rather then a human. But it was nice to see him again. I think we would get into a habit if I could pet him everyday. That way I would have a kitty kat to great me when I come home.

Cooked pizza again for dinner. So good. Who wouldn't love tomato, goat cheese and olive pizza!? Absolutely to die for.

Lazy evening, reading, doing what I want. They are the best. But Tomorrow is another day but right now now I am very happy and content. Off to clean up and pack so i can go home early tomorrow.

Rants

I had communion with the cat today. I stayed outside and on the ground just petting Jazz until he showed no more interest with me and walked off. The sun and the smoothing stroke of petting him was relaxing but I find as I think back on it now it doesn't calm me. I wish it did.

I am angry right now as I write--no type this. For the stupidest, smallest reason. Julie started reading the Red Tent a few days ago- I had this on my book club to read list. I wrote a note letting her know. Today Chris starts reading The history of Love which is also on my book club to read list. And trust me she knows. So why the double standard? It pisses me off. I put these on the book club list for a reason!I called Julie on it, and she said she would stop reading it. I felt bad, and told her I would call Chris. I have called her three times and left her a text message. I feel like she is doing this on purpose but I know shes not. GRRR! I just need to clear the air with her.

Work went surprisingly well today. There is still tons of work for me to do/figure out but I feel like I'm starting to get a better control/handle on things. Tomorrow everything will change but I came in at 7:45 today and left at 4:30. It felt good. Real good.

I didn't run today. I ate too much ice cream and cookies. Plus I drank fattening soda. I'm not gaining weight, but I'm not losing weight either. I think I actually might need to hire a personal trainer, but then I go back to the whole cost issue.

Speaking of finances.... I will try to hit up Morgan Stanley, Fidelity and Chase Morgan on Friday if I can get appointments. If I can't get appointments, I'm hoping to "Finish Smart Women Finish Rich" I might not get my finances figured out by March, but I hope be at least going down the right road.

I think that is what annoying the most, I feel like I'm not getting anything done, I feel like I'm just spinning around not getting anywhere. I suppose that is what happens when you spend most of your day doing something that you are not passionate about. I wonder if I could go back to school as a publishing house reader/editor. Or a librarian.

I wish Chris would call me. I wish I could pet Jazz or a dog right now. Most all I wish I wasn't so frustrated. I don't know if journaling helped.

OWW! Just put a knife in me instead.

Periods. Not theses kind ".". But the bloody messy kinds. Yeah I haven't had one in oh 3 months! The last time I had one was in January when I "broke" through. It is now March and I still don't have one.

The last time I was home (two weeks ago) I was all hormonal and crying at the littlest thing. I was a week away from my period and expecting a whammy of a big gush of blood. But when I go off my drugs for five days...nothing, nada, zilch. So I go back on the pill. Then wham! Friday hits a week later and I am dying at work. It feels like two little men with hammers are pounding on my ovaries. Moving hurts, sitting hurts. It hurts when ever I stopped long enough to let it bother me. I ran out and bought heat packs to help sooth the cramps away but they are still there. Mom says it is my birth control and I need to switch. I called in pain on Friday but not early enough for them to do something for me. It feels like a knife was put in my lower stomach and twisted. Hell even laughing hurts... sigh. hopefully I will get a very helpful call on Monday.

Overeager?

So K. told me today that meeting for the G. project was going to be slow for me there was nothing there for me so maybe I should not show up. Did I care? Of course not, I went anyway (uh otherwise it was sit at my computer and look like I was doing something...) with an excuse of talking about gloves. Uh yeah I forgot she did cover that already. What can I say? I'm bored at work. I want more. sigh.

Weight.
I am going to really, really try to count my calories this week. I really want to make sure I keep my calories around 2100. I use 1930 calories by being sedentary. If I exercise I should burn the extra calories if not more and lose weight. If I don't see results this month. In April I will contact a personal trainer to help me out.

Goals this Week--How I am doing.
1. Write Ben
Wrote him on Sunday.

2. Run 4 times
Will Run tonight (Wed, Thur, Sat and Sun)
3. Blog 4 times
This will be my third blog post of the week.
4. Set up meeting with Wells Fargo Financial
Will call me on Thursday.
5. Set up Free Financial advice that is given to me.
Will Call tomorrow.
6. Call Christine
Called her last night, if I don't hear from her, I will call again Sunday.
7. Finish Books-- "A Year in Merde", and "Smart Women Finish Rich"
Hopefully will read two chapters in Smart Women and one in Merde.
8. Fidelity set up appointment. If I don't like the 3 choices above Merill Lynch or
Amerprise Financial.
Don't like Fidelity. Talked with Amerprise... there is hope there.
9. Call Mom and Dad. Ask them all the questions.
Called Dad, he answered as best he could.
10.Change VSP as needed.
Changed the VSP to two stock market plans. Need to diversify hopefully will get
it done when I find financial advisor.

Rainy Days and TUESDAYS get me down.

I'm paranoid. I am really paranoid. I saw my boss, my bosses' counterpart and my HR manager in my bosses office today. My immediate thoughts were they are talking about how to fire me on Thursday. I have been paranoid ever since my HR manager asked me out to lunch on Thursday. I'm sure it harmless and to ask how I'm doing, but I think in the back of my mind it is about: A) it is about me going home every single day for lunch, and being anti social or B) wanting to fire me. I'm scared. I have money saved up but it would only last me a year if I only spent 2000 dollars a month. Scary.

Work is also throwing me in a loop. I have A. and G. and the O. lines, but O. pretty much takes care of itself. A. and G. are slowly moving in and I'm bored. They are providing me enough work. However I don't know everything about the systems and I still have to ask my counterparts how do some things. How do I go to my boss and ask for more work? Uh Steve, I don't everything about my job yet and still have to ask questions, but I would like more work? I need to ask Mom about this. She would give me good advice. I guess I will wait it out tomorrow. If I'm bored to tears like I was today for the last hour, I will call Mom immediately when I get home. She will know what I can do.

Financial Woes

I meet with Todd of Edward Jones investments. My gut said no. He is not my guy. He switched careers and has a daughter my age. He wants long term investors and yes I want to do long term investment but if this was his third career why should I trust him?

Quinn C. of Wells Fargo called but I'm more into sitting down and interviewing someone then calling online and trusting someone who I just meet over the Internet. Anyway he is calling back on Thursday, but I doubt I will go with them.

Food

I use food as a crutch, when I am depressed I tend to eat more and exercise less. Today I ate 2275 already. EEK! I really should go to the gym it will energize me but right now I just don't want to go.

I feel like I have hit a wall, I need to bust through it. Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Goal for the Second Week of March

Goals for the Second Week of March

1. Write Ben
2. Run 4 times
3. Blog 4 times
4. Set up meeting with Wells Fargo Financial
5. Set up Free Financial advice that is given to me.
6. Call Christine
7. Finish Books-- "A Year in Merde", and "Smart Women Finish Rich"
8. Fidelity set up appointment. If I don't like the 3 choices above Merill Lynch or
Amerprise Financial.
9. Call Mom and Dad. Ask them all the questions.
10. Change VSP as needed.

How I did on the Goals for
1. Iron Work Shirts 4 times.
Check. Ironed 3 on Friday night. Fourth was to wrinkled. Put in to wash.

2. Read the VSP by Sunday.
Read on Saturday. Realized that I need to do Lifeplan actions. Since I am not
able invest the time to do it myself. Want to ask Mom and Dad some questions.

3. Run 4 times from Monday through Sunday.
Ran Monday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Felt great. Planning on doing again this
next week.

4. Brush teeth, keep up the teeth regiment.
eh. Failed pretty bad on this.

5. Blog 3 times.
Check.

6. Read one chapter of Smart Women Finish Rich everyday.
Only chapter 2. Will work on this goal for this week.

7. Clean Apartment Saturday.
Check. Cleaned everything but the backroom (still in progress) and the hallway (need to shake curtains out).

8. Clean up Backroom Saturday/Sunday.
In progress. Hopefully things will get put together after the Oscars tonight. I
will plan to finish cleaning it in March/April. Things will need to be sold/given
away before I get a bed up here. And I'm even debating that. I don't want it to
get to crowed in my apartment.

9. Set up Meeting Times at Wells Fargo & Edward Jones.
Have meeting with Edward Jones tomorrow at 4. Need to call back Wells Fargo.

10. If I don't hear back on credit card by Friday call.
Got rejection letter on Tuesday. Applied for Bank Credit card got that night.
Got accepted on Wednesday. Expect the card in 7-10 days.

Seven out of 10 ain't bad!

I Love Lola's!

Exploring MY TOWN
There is culture in MY TOWN after all. Today I went to Lola's. A beautiful little restaurant/coffee house with German brick character walls, hanging with Art to sell and the original murals on the wall where there was brick. The frappe wasn't greatest but the warm cinnamon pull apart was amazing and the couch that I could sink into was to die for. With free wifi you can't go wrong. This just proves to me that I indeed need to explore my town with a greater frequency. I need to walk down down town and just look, wonder and not question whether I should go in or not. I need to be fearless and just do! Go explore and make it home.


Chris
Chris left yesterday and thank god she did. I am an introvert and three days of her after work was making me go nuts. I love Chris but sometimes she just doesn't understand. For instance I told her I had to clean after she and Ryan where here. She was really wondering if they were that dirty. Well, when you have two more people in a space used only by one of course it will get dirtier! And she likes to make a mess when cooking... uh yeah of course it will be dirtier. That is another thing, I will never let her into my kitchen to cook again! She used a salad spoon to stir brownies and it cracked the spoon. It was one of my nicer cooking utensils as well. I didn't correct her or anything. I just bit my lip and said nothing. Friends are worth more then salad spoons. I am glad she is my friend, but I am happy she is gone, sometimes you just need a quite weekend by yourself.

Commun with the Cat
I saw Jazz today while cleaning. It was enough of an excuse to get out of cleaning for awhile. I ran outside with meatscraps and yes I bribed him with food. He also wanted to be petted. And I just sat down right there on the sidewalk to hang out with him. It was nice for him to ignore me, trust me and turns his back, to listen to other sounds.

Worries About Work
I am constantly worrying now that I will be fired. I don't know why, I do my work, my boss never sees me....no complains. Granted they are expecting me to do more and I want to do more but I wonder if I a trained enough or is this a learn as you go thing? Anyway I have little worry attacks about my performance. It drives me nuts. And I feel like I can't tell many people this so I vent here on my online Journal.


FINANCES
Ah, actually getting to the reason I blog. I am suppose to be keeping myself and the world updated about the progress of my goals. This month I am focusing on Finances. I was suppose to read one chapter a day of SMART WOMEN FINISH RICH. With Chris here I didn't, I am currently on chapter 2. Not good. But I am planning on finishing it this weekend because I have a financial appointment at Edward Jones come Monday. I need to be prepared with something at least.

Also I have a call back number for Wells Fargo investments. I also am planning on checking out Fidelity perhaps. Who knows maybe even Myrill Lynch. We will see how things progress.

In other news I got rejected by U.S. Bank for one of their credit cards, not enough financial history. I was pissed, got over in two hours and took out a card with my bank. Not the best card, but at least I have my own and will build my own history, latter this year I can always try to go back.

New Employee Woes.

Ah, what to do what to do.

Today at work it is really slow, and I mean really slow. I want to go down to my bosses' office and scream give me some more work to do! However all the A. stuff is not in, I have the G. but can do nothing on that too! Sigh. Plus the anyalstic crap I wanted to do I cant because the engineers don't keep track of one key piece of data anymore. I also feel strange asking him for more to do, when I don't even know if what I am doing now is right. I have no idea if I am completing everything I should. Hell I don't know if I am going to all the meetings I should be going to! But how could I know if people don't add me?

I also still don't know who who to contact about what things. Sigh. I really wish I could speed up the learning process of work to go just a tad (read whorph speed) faster. Going to read for 7 minutes before I have to head back to snail pace work day.

MONDAY MONDAY MONDAY.

And so March begins. This month I will be focusing on getting my finances in order. Each day I will be working to get my finances in order. Today I emailed both Wells Fargo financial services and Edward Jones financial services. Hopefully I well hear back from them soon. I also applied for a credit card from Flexpoints last February hopefully I hear back from them soon with a credit card! If not I guess I will have to find a new place to go. Maybe mastercard. We will see. But enough for now I have training tomorrow bright and early at seven ugh.

Oh and on that note. Made a stupid mistake at work, took stuff out a department before Chris got to it. She called me, and the call didn't go as I would like. I thought I sounded defensive, but we resolved it. Sigh. Hazards of being a new employee. Hopefully I will do better next time.

Goals For the First Week of March

Goals for the First week of March.

1. Iron Work Shirts 4 times.
2. Read the VSP by Sunday.
3. Run 4 times from Monday through Sunday.
4. Brush teeth, keep up the teeth regiment.
5. Blog 3 times.
6. Read one chapter of Smart Women Finish Rich everyday.
7. Clean Apartment Saturday.
8. Clean up Backroom Saturday/Sunday.
9. Set up Meeting Times at Wells Fargo & Edward Jones.
10. If I don't hear back on credit card by Friday call.